Today is the Day to Start Finding True Happiness!

Do you ever say things like...

• If I had a different job, I would be happy.

• I'll be happy when I find the man of my dreams.

• When I start making <insert $ amount here>, I will be happy.

Okay, maybe you don't say those exact statements, but ones like that are what we call conditional happiness. We all do it from time to time, but when we do, we are basically saying that we can't be happy until X happens, which means we are constantly chasing happiness. Often, what happens is we reach X, and we are happy for a tiny moment, and then our happiness starts to fade. This prompts us to set a new conditional goal.

Now, there is nothing wrong with wanting a better job, wanting to make more money, or hoping to have a fulfilling relationship. There isn't anything wrong with many of the goals that people set. The problem is when we place our happiness in these things. What happens if we never achieve these things? What if we achieve them, but then we lose them?

For instance, I have spoken with many widows who truly feel as if they will never be happy again because their spouse died. This makes me so sad. I absolutely love my husband, and I miss him every single day. However, my happiness was not solely in his hands. Sure, he made my life better and happier, but he wasn't my only source of happiness. That makes me think of this saying...

I do believe that external things or people can add to our happiness, but if we want to truly be deeply and satisfyingly happy, we need to learn how to do that without any external influences that can disappear or diminish.

In my opinion...

• True happiness is a state of mind. It's about finding contentment.

• True happiness does not mean that you are overly happy every single moment.

• True happiness is being able to enjoy the moment you are in rather than worrying about the past or future.

• True happiness is being able to ride the waves of grief or other big emotions, feeling it all, knowing that when you get to the other side you will be better than before.

• True happiness is a choice.

If you are anything like me, you just read those and felt a little unsure about a couple of them. Honestly, the last two used to irk the heck out of me! How am I going to be better after going through something big and painful? Going through my husband's death and widowhood isn't going to make me better!

Actually, I was wrong. I am better because I have ridden through the emotions of grief rather than trying to stuff them down. I have learned to have a more positive mindset. I have also learned to have more empathy, I've learned to persevere when times are tough, and I have developed courage to share my story so that others don't feel alone.

Obviously, I would have preferred to learn these things a different way with my husband still by my side and all of my family happy and healthy. I think that is why I used to take offense to that true happiness statement. Plus, I am not better because he died! That just sounds so awful, but the reality is that horribly, tragic moments can impact us in positive ways. They can have both a negative and a positive impact on us. So, in that regard, yes, I am better. It doesn't mean that I am better without him, and that is what it always made me feel like it was saying. I will never say that because it isn't true, and I had to get past feeling like that is what it meant.

The idea that true happiness is a choice was hard for me to wrap my brain around too. A choice? If that is true, why are so many of us struggling to make that choice. The answer to that, in my opinion, goes back to conditional happiness.

Especially in America, we are bombarded with what happiness looks like. Women need to be thin and in a relationship to be happy. We need a large home that is newly built and modern, and we need a car for every single person in the family. Never mind that being thin isn't always possible for everyone, being in a relationship can bring just as much unhappiness as happiness, larger homes are more to clean, and cars require maintenance and can break down.

We have access to social media where we can constantly see everyone's "perfect" life. Why doesn't my house look that nice? How can they be on another trip? That stirs up discontentment and unhappiness within us, and it can be hard to stop playing the comparison game.

So, how do we make today the day that we start to truly be happy? Well, here is a quick outline...

1. Practice gratitude daily.

2. Slow down.

3. Pray, meditate, or enjoy some quiet time.

4. Don't run from the hard stuff.

5. Spend quality time with family and friends.

6. Do daily acts of kindness.

Could there be other things? Absolutely! Those are just some that I whole-heartedly believe in and try to do in my own life. Over the next six days, I am going to blog about each of those items on the list. I hope you will stop back by to be encouraged to start cultivating more happiness in your life.

Check back tomorrow to hear about practicing gratitude! 😊

#happiness #conditionalhappiness #truehappiness #todayistheday #notimelikethepresent